Sleepless Nights...Not a fan of them

I really miss sleeping like a normal person. My husband and I are on completely different schedules and it drives me crazy. It is all so frustrating. This week, he is getting home from work just hours after I wake up.

I'm getting a lot of reading in during my sleepless nights. We just started a new book in the book club and are suppose to be half way in about a week and a half. I made it to the half way point today. I really don't want to read on because it's a mystery book and don't want to accidentally give anything away during our discussion. Instead, I went back to Into the Wild which I had started before the book club started. I've really lost interest in it but I'm determined to finish it. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be done with it. But that means I'll have to start another book so I have something to read between now and when we have our discussion.

When I'm not reading, these late nights give me way to much time to think. What does my brain normally revert back to? Babies. Everyday it seems like someone else is announcing a pregnancy, posting milestones in pregnancy, or actually having a baby. I am just so frustrated and stuck on how it isn't fair. The feeling that something is missing in our lives is getting stronger and much more painful, well, at least for me it is. Rob has other things that keep his mind occupied. I might be crying about it less but the hole inside me feels like it is getting bigger by the day. A gloom tends to be setting in more. I bounce between anger, pain, resentment, and sometimes I do cry. When will it be our time? I am so tired of waiting and dealing with all of the pain and emotions that come with waiting. It haunts me that it might be a dream that will never become reality.

I think the lack of sleep and change in my routine is causing me to have so many emotions going on at once. Maybe they feed on each other. I don't know what's causing which and why but I'm ready to be done with both. I need to get in control of both. I need to sleep like normal. I need to get over my extreme emotions that I am tired of dealing with. I'm tired in so many ways.

Well, I think that's enough of me complaining.

Have a great night and day tomorrow.